In Violation Of Norms

“You’ll never guess what Hammond just told me,” said Willoughby.

“Hammond?  You mean that old fart in Sales?”

“The very same.  Well, it turns out that he and Norton –”

“Norton and he –”

“Indeed.  Norton and he were at a party in Maida Vale –”

 “Not far from St John’s Wood –”

“Quite.  And Hammond said that Norton,

“Having had a few, started bad-mouthing the Swedes –”

            “The Swedes, you say?”

“Absolutely.  You know the sort of thing: what’s the shortest

“Book ever written?  Swedish War Heroes – that kind of caper.

“And then he challenged everyone to name a famous Swede.”

“Tricky, I’ll grant you.  Are there any?”

“Well, that’s the thing.  You see, Fiona – who was

“Hosting the bally show – is part Swedish herself,

“On her mother’s side.”

            “Good God!”

“And she didn’t half kick up a stink.  Sven-Göran Eriksson

“Was mentioned in dispatches, but that was about the size

“Of it.”

          “What about Freddie Ljunberg?”

“No mention.”

          “Agnetha Fältskog?”

“You mean the bint from Abba?  Not a word.”

          “Ingmar Bergman?  Max von Sydow?”

“As if they’d never lived.”

          “But surely someone said Greta Garbo?”

“Camilla said she was on the verge but she had to go to the loo,

“The queue being beastly.”

          “Always was incontinent, Camilla.”

“Yes.  And do you know the rummest thing

“Of all?”

          “No.”

“Apparently Norton said anyone who could

“Name a famous Swede deserved

“The Nobel Prize!”

          “So?”

“Well, who do you think the Nobel Prize

“Is named after, you chump?”

          “Good heavens, Alfred Nobel!  What an ass!”

“Who, Nobel?”

          “No, Norton.  But do you believe Hammond?”

“Not really.  I think he was just trying to impress

“Dagmar in Derivatives.”